Le tired

Pull ups: 3 x 8
Barbell Shoulder press: 3 x 6 40kg
Bent over dumbbell rows: 3 x 13 26kg
Close grip bench: 3 x 10 40kg
Dumbbell flys: 2 x 12 8.5kg
Barbell curls: 2 x 12 25kg
Skull crushers: 2 x 12 8.5kg

Balance in all things

Lower body split day:
Goblet squats: 4 x 12 26kg
Bulgarian split squats: 3 x 10
Farmers walk: 5 laps x 75 steps x 10 kg in each hand
Lunges: 3 x 10
Romanian Deadlifts: 4 x 12 10kg in each hand

I really miss doing barbell squats and deadlifts. Those are my favourite two lifts and not being able to do them sucks. So hopefully in 2 weeks after rehab I'll be able to start again. In the meantime, I'm doing lifts that don't pressure onto my lower back. Just need to get my abs stronger. 

I have a messed up posture due to having a sedentary lifestyle (sitting down office job). I have an anterior pelvic tilt which means that my pelvis tilts forward, causing my butt to stick out, my lower back to have a huge arch and my abs to 'leak'. This muscular imbalance is cause by have a tight lower back which is overworked because my abs aren't doing their job to keep my body upright, my hamstrings aren't strong, and my hip flexors are super tight due to sitting down all day.

This makes me much more susceptible to lower back injuries because my lower back is overworked, and is the strongest part of my core, if I'm going heavy my body will rely on what's strongest; my lower back. Instead of further engaging my abs, hamstrings and glutes when deadlifting or squatting my body thinks to go back to using the lower back. So to fix this, I am stretching my lower back and hip flexors to loosen them using a foam roller, static and dynamic stretches. Strengthening my abs and hamstrings with core exercises such a planks side planks, and the above exercises.

I realised I was supposed to talk about meals. Guess I'll be pushing that back.

The life long journey.

I have decided to start a blog for my gains. After a year of not working out seriously and going through a rough patch I have decided to start a blog with my new journey. My current plan is to bulk 10-12kg in 10 months. I am currently third week in, my biggest issue is though I have injured my lower back right at the start of my bulk so unfortunately I have not been able to workout on my deadlifts, squats, bent over rows. By the way, I am skinny fat, high body fat % with lower muscle mass. This is something I have battled with since I was a teenager, due to poor diet from not eating enough, and eating badly, causing my body to store fat since it thought it was dying. So my long term goal is for body recomposition, gain more muscle mass without gaining too much fat first, then going on a cut. If I were to cut now I would be extremely skinny. I am posting progress photos as well (I know my mirror is dirty).

Starting weight: 70kg (body fat % unknown probably 18%)

My lifts pre-bulk:

• Squats: 77.5kg 5 x 5
• Bench: 52.5kg 5 x 5
• Deadlifts: 102.5kg 1 x 5 (pyramid, 1 x 4 warm up sets leading up to this)
• Overhead press: 37.5kg 5 x 5
• Bent over rows (and how I fucked up my lower back): 55kg 5 x 5

That was after a month of fixing my squat form and getting back into gear. I have strained my lower back, so currently in the process of rehab, and just focusing on upper body, core, with some light leg exercises and light cardio. 

Workout for today:

Pull ups: 3 x 8

Bench: 60kg 3 x 5

Bent over dumbbell rows: 23.5kg 3 x 12

Incline bench: 40kg 3 x 10

Lat Pull downs (chin up grip): 45kg 3 x 10

Shrugs: 40kg 3 x 15

Dumbbell curls: 9.5kg 2 x 10

Triceps Press-down: 22.5kg 2 x 10

So as you can see I get the strength component at the start when I have my glycogen levels at their max, and then its pretty much hypertrophy rep ranges for muscle growth for the rest of the work out. When my lower back is back to normal I am going to go onto a PPL (push, pull, legs) or a LPP (legs, push, pull) split. This means I'll have to join a gym to get the full work outs done since all I have at home is a pull up bar, squat rack, bench with a lat pull down machine attached to it.

Current weight: 72.5kg

Most of that weight is water mass since I'm back on creatine. For the supplements I am taking at the moment: 

Universal Real Gains (mass gainer whey and casein) I like this one since all the other mass gainers on the market have 25-30 grams of sugar where as this only has 7 grams. I want to gain mass but I don't want to become a diabetic. It has less calories compared to others due to this. To be honest you don't need mass gaining protein, I just use it for convenience. You can easily make your own with plain whey protein, oats, peanut butter, a banana or honey. I add oats to mine though when I know I haven't reached my carb macros. I take this whenever.

BSN Amino X, trying out BCAAs for the first time, can't comment on it at the moment since I've just used it 3 times so far but can definitely feel my heart working. This is to stop the breakdown of muscle, and help improve recovery. I take this before/during my workout. I think the best part about this is that it has vitamin D. I just had my blood test done a few weeks ago and was told my vitamin D levels were at 55. The minimum to be considered healthy is 50, so that means during winter when I am less exposed to the sun I will drop out of that range. This really means a lot to me, because in winter I get really depressed, so come winter time, if I have not come down to depression again, then that would explain how my mood is seasonal.

Body Ripped L-Leucine Nitrate, although the BSN Amino X already has L-Leucine in it, this is to help continue keeping my blood vessels dilated to continue blood flow into my muscles after a workout to get the nutrients into my muscles, once again can't comment yet on it, but can feel the same thing as the BSN Amino X in terms of my heart working. I take this an hour after my workout session.

Dymatize Creatine Micronized, this is creatine monohydrate, the most basic and effective form of creatine, you don't need the extra shit with it. Creatine has had years and years of research and proven that it works. It is naturally occurring in red meat but just has very minute amounts of it. The human body just needs 5g a day but in order to get 5g from red meat, you would need to consume over 20kg of meat. It increase the volume of your muscle cells and fill them with water. The purpose of this is to help you give that last bit of energy to get the last rep of your sets done, so it helps you overload and push yourself which leads to strength gains, and muscle growth. I take this pretty much straight after my workout with either my protein shake, or a green smoothie that has orange juice or something with simple carbs so that my body absorbs it more effectively. I've used creatine on my second bulk and my body responds well to it.

This post has turned out to be really long, I guess since its an introduction the others won't be as long. I'll write up my meal plans on the next one.

Venting without a care in the world

 
I feel so confused with my emotions at the moment. There's a girl at work that everyone is giving me shit for. That we're dating or what not. So we had our Christmas party just last Friday, and the main perpetrator who started the rumours was hitting on her. For some reason I felt... something actually felt something for once, jealousy? I don't even know because I don't have any feelings towards the girl, or maybe I do. Ahh well I don't know, it has just been hovering over my head.

I know one thing it definitely made me feel, alone.

On a weird note, one of my friends had his girlfriend break up with him just two weeks ago. The reason why is because he was starting to have feelings for his ex again, and his girlfriend knew that he didn't fully love her so she had to end it. Come to now and I have another mate whose girlfriend is now having second thoughts while overseas with her ex on a school exchange trip and that her boyfriend (my mate) made her appreciate her ex so much more. It just leads me back to what happened to me a year ago.

With my ex coming back into my life. She was having second thoughts about her relationship with her boyfriend, and then her relationship with me, wishing that he had qualities that I have, or that I had qualities he has. After a month of her speaking to me and her trying to rekindle what feelings she had for me thinking it may be the right choice she pulls back with whatever clarity or epiphany she reached realising it wasn't the right choice. That left a huge hole in me again.

Now that I am hearing from my friend's side on what he was feeling/thinking when he was thinking about his ex while being with his girlfriend, it made gave me some sense of clarity and understanding where my ex was coming from with what she did. I still don't understand fully though. All I know is, she still wants to be my friend. I do too, there's been so many times I've wanted to start speaking with her again. I don't know when I'll be ready to though, at the moment its just me feeling alone.

Each time she came back in the past, the first thing that would come to my head would be, "Amy, are you feeling lonely again?" I don't want her to feel that way.

The other thing is, I sometimes still "over think" that the reason she still wants me in her life is because there may be more than my friendship, that there could be a me and her again. But we probably have outlived the dream of me and her.

I remember the second last time we spoke a year ago. I told her if she were ever to contact me again, I'd fly up there to see her and sort everything out. I was just so adamant in thinking that there is still me and her left in there somewhere. Six or seven months down the track I hear from her again. And all that I could think about was "am I really going to go fly up to see her? What do I say, what am I going to do? What am I trying to 'fix'?"

She tells me her motives of speaking to me again was because she's planning to move to either New York, Canada, or Melbourne for her Masters degree and if she were to come to Melbourne she had me here. This had my heart racing. So many feels happening I wasn't too sure what to think. She told me though she would be bringing her boyfriend with her to live down here too, that she's been with him for almost three years and nothing was going to change her relationship with him. She then tells me there is no reason for me to come up to see her as I would be seeing her at the end of 2013 or start of 2014. She wants me to approach her when I feel ready.

At the end of the day, I keep telling myself I did my best and that's why I should be happy, even though everything fell through. I did all that I could with my circumstances. Although my life may be stagnant at the moment, I think I've got an idea of where I want to be. The fruits of my labours, my pains, my gains, my losses, are coming to be. The pieces will move in my favour, even if they don't go my way it will just lead to a new path.

Little steps are being taken

What am I looking for? Life is just so different to what it was last year. My circle of friends at the moment are completely different to what they were last year. Its great a different point of view. I've cleaned up my act, eating healthy, actually got some of my life in order. I have made some sacrifice, but I've also gained so much more. I was so close to dropping out of uni last semester, but instead decided that taking a year off would be the best option. I still haven't got a great idea of what I want in life. I've become so passionate about e-sports/gaming industry, but I have no idea how to get into it, plus it's pretty much non-existent in Australia.

I've been told no I can't do this or I can't do that for so long. And for so long I've procrastinated and did nothing.

Welcome home

I have seen the fall of man
Succumb to the tyranny of false gods
Ruling their lives and controlling their thoughts
But they rebelled and found freedom
A revolution set to a new age

Yet control was not gone
Man sought out to be the ruler
With their oppressing thumb on the weak
They learnt only what their previous tormentors showed

Enslaving the race all over again
Raising idols and statues of what they became
Hideous beings who've lost their humanity
Appearing like the false gods
This vicious cycle continues

The end

I think this is where it ends. Today I am going to stop blogging. But I am going to keep this blog open so when I look back at it I can see how much I have changed, and everything that I went through to get back to here. Even though for the last few months I had already slew down on how much I was posting. I'll just keep this short and post four songs.



 
For that small part of me that listens to rap 

 
I am better than ever you can never stop me  
The calm and collected person that I have become
 
But of course the metalhead will always be here