Breeding Violence

Fuck this life

Bereft of free will

Once a man now a beast, an abomination

Looking through the eyes of a mind corrupted by hypocrisy

Now every sin I harbor inside become one with me

Nameless

No family to call my own

Helpless

Nobody to save me now

Hopeless

Could there be light beyond this hell I call home

Hate, war

Slowly becoming what I can only think about

My dungeon reeks of all the decomposing flesh of what seems to be

Heroes come and gone, slaughtered with no remorse

Innocent blood I crave

No sanity is found in me

No sanity found

Bereft of free will

Once a man now a beast, an abomination

Looking through the eyes of a mind corrupted by hypocrisy

Now every sin I harbor inside becomes one with me

Human flesh enters the chamber

Emotionless, my meal is a delicacy in this place

The chamber doors close, my mind corrodes

This seems to be a diabolical plan for extinction

This is pure hatred

Nameless

No family to call my own

Helpless

Nobody to save me now

Hopeless

Could there be light beyond this hell I call home

By the hands of an unknown lord

I am the highest threat to the future of mortality

This is pure fucking hatred

Indecent exposure

Empty shell and running naked

All alone.. lobotomized

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Stress and anxiety bomb explosion is just having a snowball effect.. growing larger and larger... Not something great to live with right now..

Apples

Anxiety and just a whole range of emotions running high on the blood that is life. Can't touch what is there, only to be seen. Visions of dead flakes and scars. Leaving trails of subtlety, unknown to what the message really is. Feeling poetic, yet full of despair. The only words that come out are shattered and malignant. As dastardly and cowardly they are, it's life as it is, a plague on us all. Testing the waters, yet having toes pulled off, quick shots to the soul. Nothing is empty, nothing is full. The glass may be there, but what fills that glass? Free running from free thought. A balance and a fall. Tripping to a quick stumble. Looking at whats behind only to see nothing. What is behind? Just something dark. A whole mess encrypted and buried into the dirt. Hiding what is, and showing what is not. Slumber, fasting, and slowly enticing. Causing the shell to be frail. How this could carry on, with only whats in site and nothing to hold onto. Slipping and falling, tossing and turning. Laughter and maniacal eyes stare. Roads of cracks like veins, looking chaotic. Chaos theory holds there is some order no matter how random acts are. Consequent and deluded cries of agony shouting out at what is, tempting the shell to believe what is not. Like a child, a complete new state of mind being brainwashed and indoctrinated to follow these laws. Bounded by blood, blinded by fury. Die by the hand from which it came. Squirming and writhing in pain, screaming in tongues unknown to man. What maelstrom is left is now silent.

Meningitis, I will survive this

I’ve been in hospital since Friday and I was diagnosed with viral Meningitis. It’s a virus where the fluid in your brain is gets infected by the virus and it causes headaches and vomiting. The headaches were absolutely terrible, beyond belief. They were constantly there, and the only way for me to be free of them is to be doped up on painkillers. The vomiting as well was absolute shite. I would be just constantly vomiting everything that was in my stomach, even if it was empty from food, I’d be vomiting out bile and stomach acids. This was to the point where it was just green liquid being ejected.

So yeh admission to the hospital was the worst. They just made me lay on a bed for 3 hours to wait for another bed. After that, I was given painkillers for the headache and some other meds for the vomiting and also hooked me up to an IV drip (god I love those things). That helped a lot the headaches were gone and the vomiting had stopped I was feeling tonnes better.

The doctor then finally got to me and told me I may have Meningitis and would have to do a Lumber-puncture biopsy. The procedure is where you crawl into a foetal position, they use antiseptic to wash the back, apply local anaesthetic into the area and then insert a large needle to extract the fluid from the spine saps which is the same fluid in the brain. From what everyone told me, it was supposed to be excruciating, but I didn’t feel a thing only the local anaesthetic being applied and nothing else after that.

Few hours later, the doc comes back and tells me its quite clear, but there were a six different polydromes (sp) when there should be none. However, it would be at 20 polydromes if the Meningitis was to go on for longer and that I had to stay in hospital overnight. Mum was there with me from the morning till about 3am.

The next day Matt, dad and Benson came to visit but I was having a pretty bad headache at the time so they didn’t stay too long. I had Matt call Lambert to tell him that I was in hospital, because I knew he would get into contact with the others. A few hours pass and they eventually moved me into the actual ward. And I see that I get reception there and decide to call Allen, he then decides to leave uni with Sid and they both just hanged out with me until Lamb, Hong, Ben and Cynthia came. Pretty awesome having those guys come, made a few hours pass. Lamb, Ben and Hong also bought me snacks that I haven’t really eaten at all. Thanks anyways guys. ALSO THANK YOU LAMBERT FOR GIVING ME IP MAN 2, DAMN AWESOME MOVIE.

So heres another night at the hospital, starting from the Emergency department to the Day treatment centre to now the ward and I actually have a window to outside. Missed work, didn’t get to say bye to Vanessa before she left to the States D: oh well, she better get me something good. Lame IV drip is running out, I want more damnit, as much as they are awesome, they are so troublesome when going to the toilet and walking around with them, being in just a gown thats open on the back and in your jocks too doesn’t really help out your dignity. Fuck should’ve went sleep earlier its only 10:06 at the moment but the guy across the room has started to snore.. k I’m gonna try to sleep now. Night all

A gun and a halo

Ooooooh

Break it

As the darkness above you

Comes crashing down

You cannot run away

As the darkness about you

Comes crashing down

You cannot just run away

Take your fears

And lock them in a closet

Where they will rot forever

And lets go

The only way to move is forward

So don't look back

The world is a terrifying place

But we're here

For you

We will not let you do this alone so

Just take my hand

And take a chance

This is a one way road

So just embrace

Every chance we prove with you

Cause it will be the last

This is the last one you'll need

The past is easy to see

So look beyond

We'll protect you

And we'll watch over all of you

With a gun and a halo

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Well this is BrutalScream669 from youtube's current band Soul of Aries. His vocal range and power is just insane and so precise. Out of the many screamers and growlers on youtube he is definitely one of the best. My aim is to get a sound similar to his, which I've almost got with the lows but the highs will always short fall. He's only 17 too.. goddamnit..

Stupid Boy

I found this song a few days ago, I didn't know whether or not to post it up, I had everything copied down and written, just never published it. I don't know why I'm publishing it now, but this song just hits me so hard at home..

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Well, she was precious like a flower

She grew wild, wild but innocent

A perfect prayer in a desperate hour

She was everything beautiful and different

Stupid boy, you can't fence that in

Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands

And you stole every dream and you crushed her plans

She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens

When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't

Stupid boy, stupid boy

Oh

So what made you think you could take a life

And just push it push it around

I guess you build yourself up so high

You had to take her and break her down

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands

And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans

She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens

When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't

You stupid boy

Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost

The only thing that ever made you feel alive

Yeah, yeah

Well, she laid her heart and soul right in your hands

And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans

Yes, ya did

She never knew she had a choice and that's what happens

When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't

You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old

Same old stupid boy

It took awhile for her to figure out she could run

But when she did, she was long gone

Long gone, long gone

Ah, she's gone

Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me

And she loved me, she loved me

God please, just let her know

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees

She's never coming back to me

Tears

To cry, crying.. what is really crying for? how does that display sadness. heavy hearts and broken smiles, feeling so alone. laughing and smiling only to hide whats there.