With friends like these

I am finally back home, after 3 weeks abroad I survived. Too much happened on this trip. It was a huge roller coaster for myself too many emotional ups and downs. I was battered down emotionally by the people I call my brothers. With torment starting way before the trip I was scared about how everything would be, and my expectations were met. When the very people you expect to have your back, to lift you up when you fall are the ones causing all this pain you start to re-evaluate everything. It's just insane when the most trust worthy people in your life just put you into the ground and drive you further and further into a pit of madness.

I was always reminded verbally about: how weak I am, how weak willed I am, how fragile I am, how stupid I am, how much of a bad person I am, how I am disrespectful, how much of a rat I am, how ugly I am, how fucked up I am, how useless I am, how I am the bottom feeder of the pack or even possibly the world, continuously, day in and day out, 24/7 without a day's break. Where my opinion was always "sorry lost interest", "Kev please", "Kev why are you always contradicting yourself", "Kevin, you're useless", "Kev you're plankton" "You're a rat", "You're so disrespectful". They were always talking about the negatives in me, never ever said any positives except "Don't worry, girls think you have a hot voice". I was always reminded about the negatives during a taxi ride, during a meal, while shopping, while in a tour group that I am in the omega. And then with every ounce of my strength that I used to keep my chin up and to regain some confidence it gets cut down and they try to put me in my place "Look at this guy, think he's top shit now". My self esteem brought down battered by the people I love. Yeh who needs enemies.

If you ignore all that though, the trip was great, but if only if I could shut out all that torment then I could truly say that. I wish the I could say the positives outweighed the negatives, but I can't. The experience of Vietnam and Thailand would had been an escape that would so perfect. I thought Vietnam was going to be extremely dirty, but to my surprise it was relatively clean, and not a single scent of sewerage was smelt. The people were genuinely nice and the food was amazing.

And Thailand was what I expected to be, a tourist trap where they try to sell you suits, hookers, ping pong shows, tuk tuk rides (this was in Patong, Bangkok didn't have the filth), but other than that it's a beautiful country. Bangkok was like a mix of Singapore, Shanghai and Melbourne for me, I wouldn't mind going again. We stayed at Patong in Phuket, which was once again the biggest tourist trap, nearly everyone there was a tourist. But it was just so conveniently packed, everything was in walking distance.

This trip seriously drained me, I am so glad to be back at home and to be alone in the comfort of my own home.