There comes a time when you lose yourself in everything that you fear. Engulfed in flames, cleansed by the fire.
I have been baptised twice
Once in water, once in flame
I am the right hand of the Lord and the instrument of his vengeance
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So I had my first exam in over a year today. Went a lot better than I anticipated, stressed quite a lot yesterday and this morning before it. When reading time started I almost died, because the exam was completely different to the two previous ones. But as I was doing it, I actually knew what I was doing and understood it. So hoping for a pass.
What's on my mind:
This is a trivial matter, and it may seem selfish, self absorbed whatever. I have been feeling this for quite a while too. I turned 21 not too long ago in April, I didn't celebrate it as I didn't feel like it but that is besides the point. I was looking forward to what my friends would be getting me, as last year a lot of us have been turning 21 and everyone getting extravagant gifts. I was pretty damn excited in what my friends would get me.
I ended up with a wallet, a hip-flask and a novelty mug. I tried to be happy with what they gave me, after all a present is a present, it's the thought that counts.. But after all the huge gifts we got people last year, like netbooks, a PS3, a $1000 camera, LCD monitors, a huge drink up in a hotel. I was lead down to disappointment. The only gift that I am using is the novelty mug, the wallet is just sitting there collecting dust.
Why am I bringing all this up now? Well with the influx of more birthdays happening, its all like "I asked such and such what they wanted, lets put thought into this, I think he wants to get this" etc etc. And I'm just standing there thinking, well no one asked me what I wanted. Did they ever ask Kevin "do you want a new bag? a new jacket? Alcohol? Games? DVDs? Albums? Technological peripherals?" nah we will just settle on getting you a goddamn Oroton wallet just because its branded. Well I just bought a wallet about 6 months ago with you guys while overseas in Korea, pretty sure I don't need another one any time soon. Too be honest I thought I made it clear new headphones would be great as my old ones broke a month before my birthday and I was using my crappy Logitech headset that I have been lugging around uni.
Yes I am not happy with what I got, I never said anything before to anyone because I thought I shouldn't be disappointed, mad, and not satisfied with what I got and be happy. Its just fucking pisses me off. Pretty much been there for everything, in the past, helping people buy what they want, helping decide what to get.
God fucking damnit.
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